Dearest readers,

It’s been a month, people! What’s new? I’ve been testing the social waters more often—going to parties where, for once, I’m not the host. It’s been equal parts enlightening and… bizarre.

Recently, I found myself at two gatherings, each handpicked by friends who (presumably) thought, yes, ipodpuppy belongs here! But as I sipped my drink and scanned the room, I realized that these were not my people. Not in a “they’re bad” way, but just in a “Wow, I’m a differently shaped puzzle piece” way.

One party was exclusively bisexual women—all paired up with boyfriends (byfriends?). It struck me how much less I have in common with them than you’d assume. Most of the bi-women I meet are partnered with men and, by extension, move through the world in a heteronormative way. That’s not a dig—it’s just the truth.

Here’s the kicker: that mindset sometimes has the weirdest side effect. As a lesbian, you are never just another lady in the room. You are seen as something else entirely. “Men lite,” as my friend puts it. There’s this unspoken vibe, especially with people who grew up in heteronormative contexts, that lesbianism exists in a subcategory of gender. A lesbian isn’t a woman-woman; she’s adjacent! And suddenly, I’m the one getting nudged toward the grill that everyone at the party has been counting on, handed car keys, or asked to move big objects, because apparently, this is my lane now. GRAHHHHH. I don’t know how to start a grill, by the way… yeoww.. Not that it matters, but at the party, I dressed as femme as possible because that’s what I do for the most part! Because I can! Just order pizza next time!

I get it, I guess. There’s this whole history of lesbian presentation getting lumped into its own “not quite woman” category. That’s the dyke tax for you! A lifetime subscription to being treated as a subcategory. But let me tell you, it feels especially odd when you’re surrounded by people who should, in theory, get it.

SOOO okkkkkk here’s my takeaway: whether or not you fit in, your presence reminds others, and maybe yourself, that there’s no one-size-fits-all way to be part of any community. Every interaction, even the frustrating ones, teaches you something about your place in the world and your boundaries. You don’t have to fit perfectly into every space, and you certainly don’t have to play along when you’re being shoehorned into a role you didn’t sign up for. If all else fails, remember: you’re more than the grill. You’re the whole picnic.

And yes, sometimes, you’ll be the fish out of water, but guess what? Fish have been learning to breathe on land for millions of years.

Keep swimming, or, you know, starting grills :)

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ipodpuppy